AWAKE: A Memoir by Jen Hatmaker
I have been familiar with Jen Hatmaker for a long time, mostly through her work as an influencer on social media. First when she was an outspoken and funny Christian leader, then later as she publicly spoke out in opposition of her church’s view in support of LGBTQ+ individuals, and finally as a woman whose seemingly perfect life took an unexpected turn in midlife.
It is during this unexpected turn in 2020 that I started to follow her online. When she found out that her husband of 26 years was having an affair. This is not a spoiler. The first lines of AWAKE are, “At 2:30 a.m. on July 11, 2020, out of a dead sleep, I hear five whispered words not meant for me. ‘I just can’t quit you.’ It is the end of my life as I know it.”
From that simple exchange Jen’s life changes immediately. She goes from being an upbeat, confident, influencer who seemed to have it all – family, looks, a career and a large social media following – to a divorced single parent with five children, who has no idea how to access her bank account, let alone explain to her large online audience that her life just fell apart. She is left questioning everything about herself and her life and feeling like a complete failure and a fraud.
While it would be easy to expect Hatmaker to focus solely on her husband’s indiscretion, and how he is to blame for upending her entire world, she does not. In fact, she readily shares her role in what she refers to as the “flimsy house” of her life, and how it was built with “faulty bricks” like patriarchy, religious trauma, and body shame. She uses the brick analogy not only to effectively show the causes of her failed marriage, but also the rebuilding of her life and her new sense of herself.
The book is written in three parts – The End, The Middle and The Beginning. And it is not written in a linear fashion, with the author using vignettes, not chapters, to move from past memories to present ones throughout each section of the book. While it is the story of the loss of her marriage, it is also the story of her life, her 40+ years and the things that she has learned, and in some cases, unlearned. It is her story of turning inward to find herself and eventually reinventing many of the things she believed to be true. It is a beautifully hard journey, but one that Hatmaker endeavors to share fully and as transparently as she is able.
In past books, Hatmaker has used her writing to instruct or tell others what they should know, think or feel about a particular subject; however, according to her, AWAKE is a “lantern” she is “holding up for women everywhere who need someone else to tell them, keep going.” Basically, so they know they are not alone. Her story and candidness seem to say that she understands “that no matter what you have lost, what has changed, what has shifted, no matter how brokenhearted you are,” someone “still believes some of your best days are ahead of you.”
Anyone who has had a difficult phase in life will find something here to appreciate; maybe even cling to. Divorce, religious questioning, struggles with codependency and dissociation and so many other topics. Hatmaker is not shy about sharing her journey and her full heart is shown in this lovely, engaging memoir.
Review written by: Jeana Gockley, Joplin Public Library Director
Find the book in the catalog.

